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Cassandra, Princess and Priestess of Troy

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Friday, March 25th, 2005
12:52 am - Not good...
This is bad...very bad.

Andromache and I had a nice chat...of course the talk turned from Coroebus to Helen and the destruction she'll bring.

And then Apollo showed up. In my room, on my bed. For a moment I thought I almost desired him, although I know it was my lingering thoughts of Coroebus. What is going on? What is wrong with me?

And why is there a curse on my body? Laodice wants</i. to be a priestess, why couldn't this happen to her instead?

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Tuesday, January 25th, 2005
11:46 pm - In the hall...
Oh, this is very bad indeed. We're both so awkward and in absolutely in no position to be attracted to one another. Is this some sort of cruel joke?

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Tuesday, January 4th, 2005
10:52 pm - The plan...
I have been more or less left alone now that I am living in the palace. Perhaps it is because I am being constantly watched from afar to make sure I'm not doing anything "crazy." I have been attending to my priestess duties during the day, and at night have left the temple in the care of some of the lesser priestesses.

I can't sleep these days...

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Tuesday, September 28th, 2004
8:18 pm
Aeneas has sent word from Dardania that he will ally himself with us to fight, if war does indeed happen. Penthesilea has replied that she and the Amazones will fight for us as our last resort.

I honestly do not know what the fate of this city will be. I have dreamt of fire and destruction and slavery, but I have also seen Andromache laughing with a child in her arms, and other pleasant memories.

What does this mean?

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Saturday, July 31st, 2004
9:09 am
It has begun.

That golden woman I saw in my visions is real.

And she is here!

Can't people understand that she brings war with her?

They don't need to believe me to know that!

Helenus, why won't you say something?

current mood: crappy

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Tuesday, July 20th, 2004
10:13 pm - On Chryseis...
Leaving the temple for some badly needed fresh air, I ran into Chryses' daughter.

She asked me if she would marry a prince, but my mouth would not let me answer yes.

If only I could lie to her.

Instead, I tried to warn her against becoming too infatuated with the idea of marriage, but she wouldn't listen to me. She accused me of being jealous of her. JEALOUS? HA! If only if it were that.

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8:45 am
I've had this horrible feeling of impending doom lately. I don't know why-I finally talked Father into getting rid of Paris. I have a very nasty feeling that that failure I call a brother has gotten up to no good.

Where is Helenus?

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Saturday, July 3rd, 2004
10:02 pm - Oh, dear.
I stumbled back to my room, exhausted, and immediately fell asleep.

And I saw it again...the flames...I could feel their heat! I could feel my back leaning against stone.

And I felt it again, what I felt in the moment that Apollo moved to...have me: shame, the basest kind.

And then I was awake, sweating and wheezing.

Athena was sitting at the base of my bed. After a few moments of disbelief on my part, we had a little chat.

Why does Athena care about me so much? Why does she believe me to be worth the trouble? It's not that I mind: I feel secure when she's near me, a sense that had been increasingly gone as my relationship with Apollo grew. But why me? Why was I picked?

Why am I "she who entangles men?"

current mood: pensive

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Monday, June 28th, 2004
7:46 am - Take me, Morpheus.
*is led back to her room as if by another force*

What and awful night.

I'm so tired.

Sleep, must sleep.

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Wednesday, June 23rd, 2004
11:31 pm - Please...
*mouths, while writhing on the hall's floor*

Please, O gods, anyone! Take Hector away! I don't want to tell him!

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Monday, June 7th, 2004
4:02 pm - Alone on Mt. Ida...
I have seen the goddess.

Athena and her owl appeared before me on Mt. Ida. She stopped time itself so that she could ask me why I seemed so upset.

And I cried on her shoulder.

She told me not to worry about Paris, and to remember that I am loved.

And with that, she vanished.

And Paris was gone.

And now I am alone in the dark of Mt. Ida. I had carried no torch with me, for I had followed Paris.

*looks to the east, where dawn is beginning to break*

It's late, I should be home.

*stumbles down the mountain and back to the palace*

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Sunday, April 25th, 2004
1:12 am - What have I done?
Apollo...what has he done to me?

I was feeling a bit woozy, so I wandered out of the celebrations for some fresh air. Apollo's light was hovering over his temple...I couldn't resist it, and was led to him. I knew what he wanted...he wanted me: all of me. And yet, I desired the 'gift' of prophesy so badly....

Apollo granted me my wish; I first saw happy visions. Creusa and Aeneas, Hector and Andromache playing with their respective children, the people of Troy dancing with joy.

And then he demanded my payment to him.

We were so close! He was kissing me, caressing my body, being as gentle as an experienced man (or god) should be with a virgin. I was nervous, and he did all he could to calm me down, convincing me that Athene was not watching, that I would be safe, that there was no curse on my body.

But I saw and felt something that...

As soon as Apollo slipped my dress off of me, and I was lying naked upon his altar, I quietly started to panic. I was trembling and panting; I felt as if I had already felt the sensation of my skin on the cold stone with the warmth of a man on top of me. When Apollo tried to spread my legs, I did not feel the soft hands of a god gently touching me, but the huge scarred, calloused hands of a warrior groping at my thighs.

I have never felt such shame...

I couldn't go through with it. I feared Athene's wrath...I feared pain...and I feared the shame that I had felt.

And now I have been cursed by the god to always speak the truth but never be believed. What have I done to myself?

Protect me, Athene. I will never forsake you.

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Saturday, April 10th, 2004
10:23 am - *beams*
*entering main audience chamber, where the festivities for the wedding are being held*

I can't believe my brother is married! Hector and Andromache, my parents...they all look so happy now!

I'm going to go get some wine now...

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Sunday, February 8th, 2004
3:29 pm - What did I just see?
I went into my room to throw my dress on, and went back to Polyxena's room to see if she could help me with the bows and ties--most of the servant girls are dressing Andromache.

I entered her room, asking if she could lend me a hand, when I stopped abruptly in the doorway.

I could swear that I saw blood gushing out of her neck.

current mood: indescribable

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Wednesday, February 4th, 2004
2:55 pm - *yawns*
*looks up*
*covers eyes with arm*

Eek! The light, it burns!

Wow, I can't believe it's morning. I feel surprisingly well-rested, considering how much wine I drank last night, and what with getting up in the middle of the night to speak with Hector.

*throws sheets from the bed, and sits up with a star*

Good gods! Hector is getting married today! *shakes self awake* THat's why I'm in the palace, and not the temple.

Hmmm...I hope Hector has spoken to Aeneas...don't really want things to be too awkward today.

*jumps out of bed*
My goodness...I can't believe Hector and Andromache are getting married today. I'm so excited!

Well, I have to go get dressed now. I wonder if my sisters are up yet.

current mood: excited

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Tuesday, January 20th, 2004
12:39 pm - PARTY!
The revels were great fun--exactly what I needed to get my mind off of the Sending from Athena. I must say, I spent a little too much time under that smoke blanket, and drank a little to much of that unmixed Amazon wine. Even Mother was as wild as a Bacchante.

Someone invited a few men--Aeneas was there. I confess, I made quite a fool of myself. It was the wine, I swear!

Yes, Aeneas. My brother-in-law. My PREGNANT sister's husband. Now that I've clarified that...

I found myself flirting with him: kissing him all over his face (but not on the lips, alas!) I tried as hard as I could to get him drunk so that he wouldn't remember my own inebriated antics; I never would have made such a fool of myself had I not drunken too much wine. He intentionally spilled wine all over my WHITE dress...silly Aeneas. I flirtatiously told him that he would have to wipe it up. He didn't.

I also discovered that Andromache is extremely ticklish...I think I should tell Hector that....

After the party, Aeneas walked me back to my room in the palace. I only expected him to take me to the door, but he picked me up and laid me down on my bed, tickling me. I started to kiss him again, but before I could do anything that I'd regret, he pulled away, and told me that I was cute. Cute!?. I then confessed that I'm very much enamored with him...he seemed to be more disappointed than anything else. About what, I don't know--he just had that kind of reaction. He then kissed me on the forehead and bade me goodnight.

Hmmm...I'm feeling a bit more sober now. I think I'm going to run over to speak with Hector...I need to have a few words with him before the wedding....

current mood: exhausted

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Sunday, January 18th, 2004
8:40 am - Nightmares
I have had the most awful nightmare. I believe it is a sending from Athena, a warning that I should not give myself to Apollo. I had been wavering between whether to let him have me or not, for I have always wanted the gift of prophesy. Now, however, I know that I cannot ever yield to Apollo. As has been repeated many times, Athena is fiercely loyal to those who are faithful to her, but twice as cruel to those who betray her.

And she most certainly knows that Apollo has been trying to break my vows to her.

I dreamt that I was lying on her altar, as if to sacrifice myself. Suddenly, her owls swooped down upon men, and started pecking at me, digging their sharp beaks into my flesh in every part of my body. I screamed, crying out to Athena for help, but instead I heard an aethereal woman's voice (that could only have been hers) shouting, "Traitor! Traitor! Traitor!"

And then I woke up to a knocking on my door. I was drenched with my own sweat, afraid of what I had dreamt, but relieved that it was not real. As I rose from bed to open the door, I reminded myself that the Sending was a vision of what may be, not what will be. Apollo has tought me this much about prophetic dreams and Sendings....

I opened my door to be greeted by Captain Penthesilea, whom I have not seen in quite some time. Realizing that it was not very late, I bade her 'good evening' and asked her why she had sought me out.

current mood: awake

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Tuesday, January 13th, 2004
1:28 pm - Again...

I went to find Helenus to tell him about the odd experience I had with Lady Briseis....

Instead, Apollo conveniently showed up. Again.

I don't know what I am to do...I keep telling myself that I will not yield to him, that I have taken vows to be loyal to Athena.

But this night....

As he touched my face to impart more prophesy into me...and I felt...pleasure. It was as if his divine presence had the effect of...well....

And I asked the god if the prophesy about a curse on any man that should have me affects him.

It does not. This complicates matters a bit....

But I must find Father. I have seen Paris...holding an apple of Eris. This cannot come to good.

current mood: anxious

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Monday, December 29th, 2003
10:30 am - More on Briseis
When she asked me what her dream meant, I passed out--not once, but twice!

I don't understand why--I didn't even see anything! Instead, when I woke up, I just knew what would happen. I do not know if this is part of Apollo's gift. Is he giving me glimpses of the power that I shall have? I expected that I would have prophetic dreams, or lapse into "bouts of foresight," during which I would have visions of the future.

I should tell Briseis what I now know, and get back to Troy....

current mood: curious

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Saturday, December 27th, 2003
5:41 pm - How did I...
In speaking to Briseis about her dream, I suddenly blurted out that she would "Betray us all."

I wasn't even thinking that--instead I was trying to compare her dream of fire to those of my parents'.

I do not know where this cruel announcement came from, and I fear what she will think....

current mood: confused

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